Sick of syrups? High fructose, corn, what have you. If you have your own ice shaver machine, you’re doing yourself the greatest disservice by sticking to the bottle—syrup bottle, that is.
It’s a broad-ranged disrespect, from the thousands of cultures that have perfected their shaved ice delicacies to the lack of respect for yourself and your taste buds.
Seriously, the concentrated syrups are an assault to the taste buds. They’re one-dimensional. Pure sugar. Zero nutrition. Void of culture and class. Everyone’s ancestors weep.
Check it out. Here are three recipes to take advantage of the utterly divine ice shaver that is in your possession.
Magic is real. Ice, ice, baby.
STRAWBERRY COCONUT SURPRISE
5 cups of ice
½ cup cream of coconut
1 cup frozen strawberries
This recipe is super duper simple. So simple, your children can whip you up a cup unsupervised while you’re binging on the latest Netflix addiction and playing Candy Crush. Yeah. Just do that.
First thing’s first, shave that ice. Get it nice and soft, like the first snow dusting of winter.
Then pour in the cream of coconut. Mix with the ice. Smell it. And mix some more.
Third—scoop the coconut-flavored ice into several glasses, or a tall one befitting a king.
Next, process the frozen strawberries. There shouldn’t be any lumps. *Note: for added sweetness, mix in 2 tablespoons of agave, karo syrup, OR honey.
Finally, scoop the strawberry mixture on top of the glasses of coconut shaved ice.
Want to kick it up another notch? Add a dusting of cocoa powder to the final product or dark chocolate shavings. The end product: chocolate covered strawberry on a bed of coconut. #Yummers
ROY ROGERS MOCKTAIL
5 cups of ice
1 cup of cola
½ cup of cherries
1 dash of grenadine
For the kids and the kids at heart, the cola lovers, and the tweaker Mexican girls.
First, process that ice. Nice and smooth, like a baby’s butt crack.
Second, pour in the cola. Coca Cola, Shasta, RC. It’s all good, so long as it isn’t Pepsi—barf!
Throw in a splash of grenadine. Mix the cola-ice-grenadine mixture and scoop into glasses.
Top each glass off with a few cherries. Traditionally, you only throw in one, but this is America! The land of excess and corporate fascism, apparently.
To take it up 16 notches, skip out on the ice and freeze your cola and process that instead. It will save you from the dangers of H2O dilution. You’re welcome.
CHAMANGO (OR MANGONEADA)
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